In need of prayers

For this friday and sat it had been horrible for me. Too long a story for me to update now due to lack of time but i have kept it down in a written form. But i am thankful to God and her for hearing me out and encouraging me to go on.

Do continue to pray for me as i am here. For me to be humble, to keep close to God and be able to know Him more. It is really amazing now when i look at those characters in the bible of how they trusted God in their lives with every little thing. I must learn to do the same thing also, not only here but for the rest of my life.

Life is tough over here and NS is heavenly compared to here. But i know that this is a molding period for me for a greater thing to come in my life. Just as she had said yesterday when i complained to her over the phone, all things have a purpose in life and God will safeguard me. Yes, i will learn to give thanks for the good and bad things here.

Once again, i am thankful to God and also for her who God has put in my life to support me through this period of time. Just as i will love God for the rest of my life, i will love and cherish her too till i breathe my last with God as a witness to this promise of mine to her.

1st week in Medan

6th Oct 2009

Yesterday i cried 3 times whenever i talked to her on the phone. In my heart, i felt so sad when i thought of the times we spent together in Singapore. It is really hard for me to leave her behind. And now we have to be apart for 2 years and i hope that i will not miss any important moments in her life. But i really thank God for watching over this relationship because of all the things He did for us. Nothing much i can say but give thanks with all my heart.

Father, i know that i will have to learn to trust everything in You, to put down all my plannings and leave it solely into Thy hands. I see that this is the part that You want me to change and learn. Yes, i give thanks to You for this lesson, it maybe tough for these coming 2 years but i know Your grace is enough for me to go on and with her keeps encouraging me to go on too. Father, also help me to be able to fix into the culture here because i know i am weak when it comes to all these but You are strong. At times, i may feel lonely and offeneded but let Thy peace be in my heart. And keep me close to You.

Sorry Gemi for losing the shoes you bought for me as a birthday gift a few years ago. It sucks to lose them on the first day here.

 

7th Oct 2009

My friend told me that he received some comments from the rest people that i am not friendly enough. But i am trying my best here and it is just not me to be so fake and act friendly. I cannot be what i am not. Some of the fellow christian bros here have invited me to their morning bible study and prayer. I think it is a good thing to join them though i may not be able to understand what they are talking about. I pray for the spirit of wisdom to be in me. Let not language be a barrier to me, Father.

When i called her over the phone just now, i got the feeling of giving her my blog address. But at the same time, i was worrying what she will think of me if she read what i have written over the past 4 years. But i decided to give it to her anyway because just as she said, there should be mutual trust and confidence in each other. So i will not be changing any contents of my blog even though i can have access to it now. It serves as an avenue for me to see how i was in the past and how God has molded me over the years. Though Richard and Gemi did gave me some advices and not to say anything more than what she asks.

But yes, i think it is important to let her know how i was in the past. If she cannot accepts it and wants to break up with me, that i will try to accept it. At the end of the day, it is God who makes things work out, not me or her. We are just trying to do what we can and leave the rest to Him. More than anything else, i pray Father for the faith that pleases You. I want to have that kind of faith that Abraham, Moses, David, Joshua and many more people in the bible have. The faith to obey and trust in You when i do not know what is next, but just following You with all i have and all i am.

8th Oct 2009

There is nothing much for today just that i overslept for the bible study and i am glad that they knocked on my door and woke me up to join them. Father, i really pray for Thy wisdom to let me be able to understand. God did showed me a negative side of me today which i need to change a long time ago. Sometimes i think i hold onto her too tightly, maybe it is because she is my first girlfriend and i really love her more than myself. I need to learn how to let go and let God take control in this relationship. I need to learn how to be together in spirit when we are apart physically. So i decided not to call her so often and this coming 2 months will be a good break and time to learn this lesson. I am really glad that she is so thoughtful for the past few days of my nonsense when i tried to call her when i have the chance. Thank you, Dear.

Today i also made prank calls for the first time in my life. Actually i did not want to make those calls because His words came to my mind in the morning. But i am sorry Father for going ahead and made those calls. Please forgive me for this. I really cannot take it when this stupid guy keeps making prank calls to her. I do not see the reason behind it and he is married somemore, please grow up man. But now i think prayer the most powerful weapon of all. So i will just pray for his salvation from now onwards.

This morning during my quiet time with God, i cried for Singapore when i was praying because these few days in Medan made me realised that Singapore is so blessed yet the people over there are living in spiritual proverty. I really feel for them when they reject the gospel of peace.

Father, i pray that Your holy spirit will come upon the people in Singapore, let their eyes be opened. Let it not be like in Isaiah’s time when eyes they have but cannot see, ears they have but cannot hear and minds they have but cannot understand. Let me be a vessel for Your saving grace to the people You have called me to.

Leaving

This is my last post for the next one month or more. I must thank God that right now the feeling of leaving her behind is not that hard. The peace of God is in me right now and i give thank for this peace, knowing that He will be with me and also be here for her. I wonder how she is feeling now. But during these few weeks, both of us have come to accept it that this is His will and nothing we can do about it but to obey. It is kinda of hard for me to not contact her for one or two months but i will use this time wisely to know God more.

I am glad that i spent my last day here with her, singing all the duets in the ktv. Was really nice and we enjoyed ourselves. I told my parents about her and she told her mum about me. Leaving the rest up to my Father in heaven.

A big thanks once again to all my friends who helped me in my life. I will always remember you all. Miss you ppz.

1 more day

Had a great time together with my JC friends. Planned to play mj but i ended up watching tv with her for the whole afternoon. It should have ended off better but because of something i kept on saying, she got mad at me. So i declined the ride back home by Aldrich and suggested sending her back by bus and also tried to find out the reason why. It was good that we talked it out during the bus ride and things are back to normal.

Communication is really important in a relationship because if one stops it, there is no way to continue it. Will learn to change my bad habits from now on.

Overloaded

Second day of my working life and my brain is overloaded with information. Trying to pick up a new language and retain as much as possible within 5 days seems impossible. Lots of things to remember. Seriously abit tired plus the fact that i am waking up 5.45am everyday in the morning just to go to her house and send her to work.

But this is one of the things i can do before i fly off and then we will not have a chance to meet that much. Nevertheless, we have faith in God that He will protect this relationship.

Last sunday, she paid for my shopping, topping up the rest that my vouchers cannot covered. It’s nice of her to do that. Just got a box of mooncakes for her mum. Hope she likes that. Thank God that i managed to get them cos it was sold out everywhere. Hard to find. We did sort of quarrelled abit over the phone just now because i was supposed to meet her for dinner tomorrow but her mum wanted to meet her too last minute so she has to cancel our appointment. It is disappointing for me but no choice.

Happy Celebration

Thank God for everything that happened today. I will not take Your blessings for granted. I give thanks to You for her in my life.

I have a happy early birthday celebration for today. It was great. She ordered a special cookies and cream ice cream birthday cake for me and we ate that in the afternoon. Was very nice and sweet. Then we went off to visit the peranakan museum which was interesting too, seeing their cultures and lifestyles. At night, we went to sentosa and took a walk at siloso beach, quite romantic i would say. There was a surprise for my brithday present which was a Little Bobdog pencil case, and i knew she took great effort to find it. Was touched by all that she did for me today.

To make the day perfect, she gave me a birthday kiss and i gave a thank you kiss. Wahaha. But that is as far as i will go for our relationship. Nothing beyond this.

Counting down

I am counting to my date of departure. Feel so little time left with her but i am glad that i spent the last few days with her. It was nice but taxing on her as she was paying for most of the stuffs. So we will try to go for the cheap items now. Haha. All the way is eating at the food court for now. If not, she cannot take it anymore too.

Anyway i made her cried on sat because i was angry with her on being late and remained silent for almost 2 hours. I need to have better anger management because it spilled over to sunday. Will have an early birthday celebration for me because i will be working on my birthday. Haha.

Usable again

Been a long time since i update my post because of my stupid laptop. Spend $150 to repair it and change a new harddisk. Sian. But i thank God that it is working again. Thank God for His wisdom cos the person also do not know how to repair it until i told him the solution, stupid but it works. Received an early birthday present from Richard and a big thanks to him for it.

Just came back from a dinner with my primary and secondary school friends and his present was put to great use. Haha. The one last friend for her to meet is Richard among all the must meet list. Because of all the help, he has given me during this period of time. Of course, there are others like dylan, danny, aldrich and my girlfriend. I give thanks to God for them in my life.

Tml will be having dinner with her cousins and brother. Stress man.

I pray that God will show me the wisdom and humility for tomorrow. Continue to guide me in my walk with You.

JC outing

Had my JC buddies outing this afternoon. Was fun playing games at Mind Cafe, then she and i won the game in telepathic. Haha. Because i knew what she was going to put down for our final question and we need exactly one correct pair to win, no more no less. So i just wrote down one answer and there we go. She was quite impressed that i knew what she was going to write. But i will write the same thing too.

Anyway, i got her white tulips also. She was very happy with that. Even though i was angry with her yesterday and she knew it. So today she tried to make it up to me by coming online even when she is tired.

Father, i pray for a heart to love You more than her. A heart that will put You first then her. Help me to fix my heart and eyes upon You alone once again.

Nice long day

Slept for 2 hours because i have to wake up early to make breakfast for her. It was worth it as the scrambled eggs was nice but bacon is abit salty which i knew it. Haha. Accompanied her to her medical appointment before we spent the whole day together. Did a number of things today which including opening a joint account with POSB and went down to the Comet fair. It was nice for today and i am looking forward to Sunday outing now. By the way, i met Grace, Glen and one more new member from ECF at the Comet fair.

I give thanks to God for all of today, good or bad, may all glory be unto You.