Archive for March, 2005

Sorry

March 31, 2005
The purpose of me to write this is to say sorry to the person whom i like a lot yet i hurt her feelings yesterday. It was a small incident or it was my mistake to start of with. I do not know what to say even now. As i know what i have done is really too much. What i hope is that she will forgive me for what i did. From this, i can see that i still do not know her well enough. Right now, i am not sure if she will forgive me or what i can do to make up for this mistake of mine. Words are hardly enough to describe the feelings that i am feeling now. I realised that at times when you truly like a person, some of the actions you take will be irrational. The pain of seeing her behaving towards me is like a thousand cuts at my heart or in my own context is like taking a maths test every seconds of my life. What is love?

Too much

March 28, 2005
I am very disappointed at my life sci quiz for today. I did not really get the results that i wanted. Though it was still counted as an A. But it was a very low one. Can’t really blame anyone expect myself as i spent only 3 hours on it. I can’t finish studying for my material sci too. Really a bad start for this week. Do not know what to say also. Continue to trust in God no matter waht happen. I believe you all will say that too. Trust and have faith in Him.

Angry with myself

March 28, 2005
I was very angry with myself yesterday over a lot of things that i did. But before i felt that way, i was upset about some stuffs. I do not want to talk about it here. Cause it will be too long for me to type it all out. Sometimes i think that when Christians do some stuffs, do we did it out of responsiblities or love for God? It can be argued in many ways. Our responsiblities may come from our love for God. I am struck in the areas of doubting the reasons for my actions. Especially i find that this sem i can’t seem to trust and surrender my studies to God. I do not know is it the results that i got is affecting my actions. Better concentrate on my studies now. Quiz in a few hours time. Have not started studying.

Failing

March 24, 2005
Just learnt from my china friend today that i have a life science quiz next monday. It was supposed to be on week 13 but dunno why now changed to week 12. Was taken by surprised. I got so few days to study for 2 tests. Still got one more material science to handle. The coming of this test is really messing up my plan to study. I do not know how i am going to handle it. Cause most of the time i will be in church or in mission training. Help me oh God.

Not online

March 23, 2005
I have decided not to bring my laptop back to hall this weekend. Therefore i will not be online from tomorrow onwards. This is the only way that i can stop myself from playing games and study all the way. I am very tired today. Still went down to the old folk’s home. Something i do not know how to say it. Sometimes i do not know how to show it. Still quite happy today. Though i realised i am getting poorer by the day, have to tighten my belt now. My church friends do not understand the reason why i am trying so hard to save. Always going for the cheapest stuff and eating those one plus meal. They do not understand me well. I can treat myself badly and use the money to bless others instead of myself. What is the use of giving myself the best when others will not be blessed by it? I want to glorify God with what i have. Hopefully next year, something will change if not ……

Mindless

March 23, 2005
This morning i woke up quite late as i spent my night playing games till around 3 plus in the morning. Was late for my lab but that was the usual routine, anyway today is my last lab for this sem. Wanted to do something this morning but i forgot to do it as i was rushing for my lab. Only manage to do that later after i finished my lab. It cannot be consider important but i am very upset that i only remember it like around 11 plus. It caused me to doubt and question myself. Nevertheless my feelings is true. That’s all for now. Time for my lecture.

Walk the talk

March 23, 2005
I find that i still do not have the heart to study for the upcoming exams which is like another 3 weeks times. I do not know the reason behind it. Maybe it is because my roommate is around so i can’t study at all. My workplace is still in a mess which is totally different from last sem. Got quite a lot of things to worry about. My fund raising for mission trip, exams, hall stuffs and so much more. Can i really cope with all this? I believe i can cope but i need God to help me. Without Him i am weak. I realise i am spending less time with my family now. Where is my heart for all things? Oh Steward, what is in your name? What lies ahead for you? You need to have a closer walk with God. Am i back to my own complaining style of writing again? Maybe this is me. Something which i can’t change at all. I like to look at things at a negative point of view but in my heart there will always be a light of hope shining through the darkness. Hope for the best but prepare for the worst.

Can’t study

March 22, 2005
Tried to study but i find that i can’t settle down. Do not know why. Anyone who can help me? I think i can study only in extreme conditions. Without water, foods, laptop and other stuffs. Am i strange or what? God pls help me.

Nothing to do

March 21, 2005
I am at my library now. Nothing much to do. So might as well take the time and update my blog. Exams are coming so i am feeling a bit of stress now. Been really lacking behind. I do not know how to catch up on my studies. Guess the first step is to finish all my tutorials first. Lecture will be in 15 mins time. Sad sad life. Anyway my friend from my camp is coming into NTU this july. Quite happy to see him here. Just met up with him to bring him to the medical center for check up. Haha. Have a ice time catching up with each other.

New spec

March 20, 2005
Haha. I collected my new purple spec today. It looks so big and nice. But it is a bit weird when i wear it. Who cares anyway? Did not go to church today. As my body was aching all over from yesterday soccer. Guess i am really getting old. Can’t play much sports now. Spent quite a lot for today as i brought a new toner for my printer. Going to have good quality notes from now on. Quite tired now. Miss a few people. Hard feelings to have. Sad. My hardened heart was soften at last. I wish Jesus’s love will flow into in and out to others.