Archive for October, 2005

What is going on???

October 31, 2005
These few days i do not really feel like penning down any of my thoughts cause i’m sick and tired of what is going on around me or rather this world. I just cannot understand what on earth is going on in people’s minds. I wondered if no news is ‘good’ news nowadays. Everyday when i flip through the papers, all i can see are news on disasters, bombings and killings. I was really disgusted when i read about 3 christians schoolgirls got beheaded on their way to school. The first time that came to my mind was that how could modern days people still be so sick to do that. What is the purpose for doing this? And today the blasts in India which killed 59 people. It really puts me off from reading the newspaper. I feel that my heart is slowing being hardened by all these ‘news’. All these made me wondered how living today will be a good thing. Sometimes death seems better. With all these events around us and the insatiable chase for success and wealth. What is the true meaning for living on this world? To suffer, to be successful, to be rich or to be famous? I do not think i will still be truly happy if i ever to obtain the last 3. It will still be gone when i die. What on earth am i living for? I know the answer to this question in my life. I want to live it out but i lack the strength and support.

Exams and Dec…….

October 27, 2005
Exams are coming next week and it will last for quite long before it ends. This sem is very dead for me as many of the subjects are new so it’s hard for me to know which topic to study. Haiz… Dec will be a really killer for me as i have 2 camps and maybe one overseas trip. So i going to be broke. Sometimes i feel like i’m being forced to go for the meta camp which is from 26-30 Dec. As i have to attend my church camp in the early Dec as i am one of the committee members. With so much to do and only limited funds, what can i do? Those who know me will know that for 95% of my meals i have to scrimp and save up on it. The limit for each is 2 bucks. Suddenly i feel like i am a very very poor man. A lot of people may not know see the reason why. They just think that i am too stringy or whatever. Gone are the days where i can spend so freely. Not that anything has happened to my family or what. Just that i have too much commitments now. I must give thanks to God for looking after my family for all these years. Even when i am being sort of restricted right now but i am leading a happy life. For i do not really mind all these things as long as i have God with me and those people around me are happy. Being with God for one day is much more better than all the riches in the world.

Leaving???

October 22, 2005
Yes, i know it is 5am in the morning and i still cannot get to sleep. I am just troubled by Don and Weili changing church. As it will mean that the cell group will have new teacher to takeover them. I really enjoyed my time under them. Even it has only been for a year plus since i started going there but i grew a lot. It is at there where i learn more about God’s word and take up more responsibility and initiative. Suddenly the thoughts of them leaving sadden me. Though i do not know the reason why Don is leaving but i do not support his decision cos i do not think it is from God for them to go. Since he has made up his mind then there is nothing more i can do about it. As for me, most probably i will also leave the cell group when there is a change of teacher. When i joined them one year plus ago, it was to motivate Linus to attend church and cell to help him grow in God. After he told me he is not coming then the main reason for me to go is gone at that point of time. When i contiune going, i really wanted to build up the people in the cell and support them in whatever they do. For this is what i feel God has come me to become in my life, to play a supporting role. To help people keep going when the going gets tough. When Jane heard the news today, she cried which also made me feel like too. Because of all the relationships i have built up with the people in the cell, i find that it is hard for me to leave just like this. I would love to continue with them. Sometimes in life, good things have to come to an end somehow. Is this soon the closing of one of my chapter in life? I will really miss ethan when the time comes. Actually there is a third reason for me to stay, but i will not mention it here for something are better left unspoken. At the end of the day, i will trust God no matter the outcome for His plans are far better than mine. Nevertheless, i will stay if Someone asks me to do so. Will miss …… greatly. If not, then i guess i will have more time in the future then as i will have less commitments. Also it will take a long time for me to love again.

Too busy

October 20, 2005
Been a week plus since i last updated my blog. I have been too busy running around and studying for this and that since exams are in a week time from now. Feeling stress now. The same old feeling is coming back to me again. What is the latest update about me? Hmm…. Let’s see. I have just received my NS ICT letter about my new unit. Feel so upset. Going back to ICT soon i guess. That is the new unit which i helped to setup and drafted up the plans for it during my NS time. Piang. Now i got shooted back by it. Foresee this anyway during my NS time. That i’m also involved in my church camp committee so a bit of my time will be taken away. This is quite bad as my exams are coming really SOON. On my way back from the bible study just now, i realised if i do go for all the activities from thursday onwards. Then i will been doing 4 bible book studies, Genesis, Joshua, Nehemiah and Philippians. Which is on thurs, fri, sat and sun. Is it a lot? I still do not know yet. I think that’s all for my updates. Seeya folks.

Bad attitude by me

October 11, 2005
These few days my attitude towards some people have been very bad. It is really true that i cannot be stress at all. The lab report is putting too much pressure on me. Cause i do not know what to write. Maybe i’m asking too much from myself. What is happening to me? Stress by exams?

No reply. What………….

October 9, 2005
Sometimes i really hate it when people do not reply my sms when i required some answers from them. That just happened to me today. Cos sms is something which 99.99% of the time you will see on your hp. Then you just do not reply. I mean what …… Here i am trying to support what they are doing. If not for those people whom i will get to see, i will have just hack care about them. Maybe i’m in a super negative mood today. At times, i wish i can just run away from everything. People do not know my limit to tolerant is lower when i’m in a bad mood. Still i seldom vent my anger out to others. I just keep them all inside me. Beware, if i do blow up one day, then all shall see my powers. The last person who got my cold treatment directly was Elaine. But it was all over in a few hours. Haiz…

Thanksgiving

October 6, 2005
Here i am taking a few moments off to thank God for what He has done in my life. First is the bible study fellowship which i begin to like more and more. As i read His word daily and do those questions, i found myself getting to know God more. Coming up next is for my MP2004 quiz today which i had only studied thru 3 times but i got 85 marks for it. So it was really a blessing from God. Not by my own hard work but by His wisdom. Then again all was not smooth sailing as i have new problems to think about. I am now reconsidering about joining NTU CCC. Cos i found myself struggling to go for DG as deadlines are all coming up and exams are just round the corner. Frankly speaking among all my commitments, CCC comes last. For it is not church and cell. Partly is that i am thinking of going back for my chruch’s cell so i have to take one commitment out as i am doing too much for me to take it. Just the the book in CCC said, i am overly involved in other christian activities therefore i cannot really join in the whole movement for CCC and be a disciple in CCC. Now i feel satan is using this heart of mine of not wanting to go for DG to attack me. Maybe i will tell Nick about my decision in order to avoid attacks from the evil one. I am in confusion now. God, pls tell me what to do.

Here’s my heart

October 4, 2005

Dear Lord, Are you there, listening to my little prayer
I don’t know Exactly what to say
I’ve been told that you love me, Hear me when i call, would help me if i fall
I should let you have your way
What I guess i’m trying to say, is I need you in my life
Cause I know i’m tired of living in the past
I would like to take a chance on a change down deep inside
I believe that this is one that’s going to last, So here is..

CHORUS
Here’s my heart, It’s been broken, It’s been wounded
But i’ll give it all to you if you would love me (love me)
Here’s my life, If you want it, you can have it
I will give it all to you because you love me
(your love is everything I need)

Dear Child, I’m right here, through your worries, through your fears
I’ve been waiting, for you to call my name
Oh you know, that I hear you, If you turn to me and trust my word is true
You will never be the same
Well I’m standing here to say, that you need me in your life
Cause I know that you can’t make it on your own
Oh if you would take a chance, Let me change you deep inside
I promise you will never be alone, So here is…

BRIDGE
You can turn to me and know that I am always standing by
I gave it all for you so you could have this gentle peace inside
I will follow you ‘Cause I believe in everything you are
I am your father, You are my saviour and in the matters of the
heart I am taking yours and you are taking mine

Hp spoilt

October 3, 2005

Oh yes, my hp is spoilt. Therefore i will lose all my contacts inside my hp. What i missed most inside the hp is a pic. Though i may not have the chance to take again. Maybe it’s God’s sign for me to start all over again. Sometimes i wish that my memory and feelings can be just like the hp’s memory. Which can be reset all over again. Delete all that are unhappy in my life. It’s just a fantasy i guess. Life will be be this way. Things will not start over from square one. Most of the time when you make a wrong move, there will be no turning back for you.

Though i may not have much time left,
but all that i have left i will use it to wait for you.
I hope it will be enough.

Thanks All

October 1, 2005
Today i celebrated my birthday with my cell group. It was fun cos i got to blow out the candles with Ethan. A big thanks to Shing Yian who arranged it. Cos normally i was the one who do it. Thanks again cell group. Love you guys very much. Will treasure the time we have together.