Archive for December, 2006

A new year

December 31, 2006

Today is the 2 year anniversary for my blog. Happy Birthday Life. Nothing much to pen down too. For me, i think life itself is meaningless without God in it. Yet with God, i still cannot live up to it. Sometime i feel i am too stuck in between. On one hand, i want to really live my life just for Him, on the other, i just can’t carry out what i want. I am so in need of His grace in my life. I want to have a deep relationship with You, Lord. I do not know what is holding me back. Too many factors in my life, my insecurities, my fear, my self centeredness and all others. They are pulling me back. Help me guard my heart, Father. Be watchful at all times. I do not want to lose this heart for You. I want to be in the heart of worship in all that i do.

School is starting

December 29, 2006

School is starting soon for me. After 10 months of life without any exams, i wonder if i can cope with that again. Haha. Done nothing much this week except staying over at Dylan’s house overnight to watch Arsenal match. Glad they won. Hehe. The next day Dylan, Danny and me went to play tennis in NTU. 2nd time playing tennis. Still not too bad. 2 weeks is a long time to wait for my EOS400D. Better use the free time i have to read up now. So i will know the basic by then. After spending so much time to look for lens online, i finally decided to get the kit lens first, plus one more 28-105mm USM II Canon len. They will be my primary lens for a long time. Still lacking a dry box, flash and tripod. Dry box is top on my list. The rest i guess i have to wait. It means no night shots and long exposures shots for me.

Live concert

December 25, 2006

Was very busy during the last 2 days. Went out early in the morning and only returning back home at night. Not much time for me to update. Managed to have a nice sleep this afternoon. Had my first live concert by my church yesterday. So many things to do and so messy. Haha. But JY was worse as his name is almost been called all the time. I decided not to buy a headphone and also cancelled my Japan trip. Going to get a EOS400D. Hehe

Entering

December 23, 2006

Crispina asked me to help out with the games of the youth camp today. Since she has opened her mouth so i will gladly draw my sword and help her out. Haha. By doing this i know i will miss out my cell’s Christmas party for sure but i choose to skip that. Cos they are more in need of helpers for the games. I should not touch on the games itself. I find it quite pointless also cos it will be the same old story. I know God is refining me now, step by step. He is calling me to be holy for Him. To be able to enter the Holiness of Holy, i want to be like Moses who pressed on to enter while the whole of Israel went away. I want to know God as God and be a friend of His, who He is able to let me know His plans. Just as He could not hide His plans from Abraham. Lately, i could not understand why also, everything seems to fade away in my mind and i just want to know Him more. I must admit i have fallen during these times too. But i just continue to press in. I do not want to walk away. I want to worship You in the Holiness of Holy.

Hunger

December 22, 2006

I know where my problem lies. My hunger for God’s presense is not enough. That is why i am still unable to breakthrough to a higher level. If i can only have 1 wish this Christmas, Father, use whatever it takes to increase my hunger for You. I do not wish to know what will happen to me. Just do what You wish, Lord. I want to be desperate for You. Bring me to my breaking point. I want to seek You.

Today is the day

December 20, 2006

Today is the day. Today is the day that the Lord hath made, that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice rejoice and be glad in it. Finally it has come, in just a few more hours, will come an end to my attachment. This morning when i told my supervisor, he is also shocked by it. Haha. I can just leave and never to return to this cold place. At last at last. 3 cheers for me. Still got out process to do. Haiz. I hate doing that but it is a must. So no choice.

Happy

December 20, 2006

Not me to post at sure hours of the day. But i’m just happy that it is finally my last day of IA. In a happy mood i guess. There are many things which i can’t make up my mind for now. A bit lost now. Nothing to say. A lot of stuffs is filling up my mind but relationship are certainly not one of them. I have let go of them.

Cats and Dogs

December 18, 2006

The sky was dark in the morning and the outpouring of the rain was so loud that it woke me up from my beauty sleep. Guess what, it’s time to work again. Work Work Work, i need more lumber. Just 3 more days to go and i will be out of here. No one calls me to handover anything yet. None at all. I wonder how are they going to handle if i just go off like this? Haha. I am all wet because of the heavy rain. Shivering and feeling cold in this stupid office. It is so cold and people still want to switch on the air con. I can’t understand them at all.

More updates on my batam trip. Nothing miraculous happened to myself on the trip. I know i have seen and experienced enough of all these to know that God exists. This trip was more to let me decide on what i am going to choose. During this trip, my mind was not thinking about anyone in particular. It seems that i am able to put down all my personal feelings. Therefore we have minimum contact with one another, at least i tried to on my side. All that fills my mind was His words. Been pondering and thinking over them. For my ministry, i know i have to make a choice too. I have too much interests for me to really go and pursue them. Audio, photography, finance and watches. I cannot really go into each one of them in details. Maybe i will concentrate on a few and for the others, it will just be an on and off stuffs. I may decide to help JY train those who are interested in doing sound. Let God decides for me and i will just walk the road bah. Too much events on the 23th itself, helping out with the youth camp and having a Christmas celebration for my other cell. Might not be able to go for the celebration. From what Crispina has told me, her games will end around 6pm and according to my experience, i know it will drag to around 7pm. So i might not have enough time to change and go in time. Not mentioning that on the 24th, i will still be helping out JY. On the 22th, i got my JC ‘brothers’ gathering as well. So i will be quite packed for this whole week.

Back from retreat

December 18, 2006

I’m back home after my retreat. I managed to keep to my budget for $15. So it’s quite good. I think i’m more level headed now than the last time. I would not say it is a life changing trip for me as my life has been changed the day i accepted Christ. This trip was more to let me make a choice. I want to be like Enoch who chose to walk with God for 300 years of his life. Nothing more is being said about his life except that he chose to walk with God when no other family members of him was being mentioned, not even adam. I know i will still have some weaknesses in my life, but i will make a choice and effort to overcome them.

Waste money again

December 14, 2006

The previous post was for yesteday. What a great difference a day can make. This morning was not so great for me. Woke up very very late. I must still have diarrhoea again which made it worse. Then i have not packed for my trip which was like tripled the troubles for me. Oh my… So in a hurry, i just threw all my stuffs inside my bag. Anyway i knew i was going to be late when i had diarrhoea. But i could not believe the cab fare cost me $9.40. Have to find some ways to top up the funds. All these are really spoilters. Made me feel like not going for the trip. Emotions are down also because of my constant pain. Should i travel when i am sick? Will i be a burden to them later on?