Restarting at zero

Been almost 1 year plus since i stopped serving and attending church reguarly. There are some on and off periods but nothing more than that. Before i knew it, i just sunk deeper and deeper into the depth of hell. Everything around me was being affected. Just did not want to care about anything anymore.

Yet, it has allowed me to look back at the past 7 years of my life as a christian. The burden, the pain that i have before i knew Christ. I never gotten a chance to resolve them. Never fully understand why i accepted Him even i know He is the Savior. Partly was because of the need to find a place whereby i will be accepted and make new friends. The other was for her.

Before i knew it, pride has crept inside me. Hiding itself in the darkest of my heart. I cannot say for sure that everything i did was for Him, as i knew that some were for my own pride and fame. Yes, even in my quest to know more was to quench my curiosity and show to the rest that i know more than that. Maybe that was the part of the reason that Christ was on my lips. I do share the same feeling as Paul when he said he was the chief of the sinners. Branded myself with the tag of self righteousness.

Never really saw the extend of His grace and mercy. That has taken away the passion of sharing the good news with those around me especially my parents.

This year of being down and beaten really makes me saw the worst of me. How low can i stoop as a human being? It was up to the stage whereby i cannot believe that this is me. At that point, what can i based on pride on, where can i tag my self rightousness? There is all but nothing.

In life, we never got too many second chance and even rarer in the case of mine. For once, i am amazed by His grace. Because of this, i know where i am heading next. Now i know it will not be for acceptance; not for pride; not for self rightousness; last of all not for her but only for Christ. My faith, my works and my thoughts shall be based on Him alone. With this, i pray that this moment will be a start whereby i receive a new spirit and heart from Christ.

I never felt such a strong yet calm stirring of emotions within me. Time is running out maybe for me. For those around me, do hold me accountable if i do not reflect Christ in my daily life in terms of words, actions and thoughts.


One Response to “Restarting at zero”

  1. Lynn Barbee Says:

    Always a good time for a fresh start. I love the verse that says, “His mercies are new every morning. (Lamentations 3:22-23) God bless your journey!

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