Here i am standing at the crossroad once again. I am glad that i am not the only one who is facing this problem of committment and relationship. Haha. After i chose to leave ECF, i have packed away all my feelings somewhere. During these period of time, i become quite a self centered person, who dares not commit to any relationship for the fear of losing it once again.

Of course there are times whereby i strongly felt the need to find someone to share my life but in the end, i feel that it is the best to be single. Doing whatever i want with my free times with no worries.

All these while, i have been confused because i do not know where to head next. I wanted to settle down once again in church but which one? I could not make a choice after so long. I have been telling myself for so long that if there must be any reason, let it be for Him and no one else. I cannot be 100% sure but i really want it to be just for Him alone. Yet, it seems that the longer i drag the more i am uncertain. My love for Him has it been tucked away too?

If there is one thing that i ask for this new year, i pray ‘Father that You will help me love You in a way that i never known before. A love so overwhelming that it would break my heart and what i am.’ I pray that Father help me make all decisions because of You and not others.

I cannot be sure if i am able to honour  You in my life but still i say ‘Yes, i shall. So help me God.’


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