Archive for April, 2009

Fool?

April 30, 2009

Some of my friends may think that i am a fool. When i do not have enough money to survive for myself, why do i still want to woo her? I can certainly lessen my load by sharing with her my situation.

But if it is like this, my love for her will not come at a price. True love always requires a price to pay for. Too many relationships in these world today come too easily without a price. That is why breaking up seems so easy too.

The reason why i choose not to share with her my situation for now is that i do not want to pressurise her with what i did for her. I wanted to give her the best i can afford with what i have now because she deserved it. When i ask her the question and if God may, we end up together. Then i will share with her. If her reply is negative which i do not hope so, i will too not share with her. I do not want my situation to be a factor of her decision, i wanted her to make her decision out of her own freewill not dictated by anything else.

Maybe this is a chance that God has given me to let me experience what is true love. Loving a person wholeheartedly at a dear price without expecting the person to love you back.

It reminded me of Christ when He died on the cross, He did not command us that we must love Him back. What He wanted was for us to choose to love Him out of our own freewill so that we will be able to be with Him forever because of what He had done on the cross.

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Tension

April 29, 2009

Tension has been high for me during the past few days. Tomorrow will be having my last paper, friday will be trial presentation for my fyp and sat will be out with her. Following mon will be the real presentation for my fyp and tue a job interview.

I am glad to know that at the end of the day i still have some very close friends who will be there for me when i need them. As the day draws closer, i am getting cold feet again of should i take a step forward or just let it remain like this for a while longer. Complicated!!!

U and C

April 28, 2009

When humans interact with one another, there is always expectation form. The expectation is even more when people are in a relationship. Be it, parents-child, lovers, friends and etc. We often feel disappointed and sad when others do not meet up to our expectation in them.

That is when understanding and communication come in, we need to be able to understand why they fail to live up to our expectation. But keep this in mind, expectation are always one sided. Without understanding, the relationship is bound to fail. How do we get about after that, it can only be done through communication, yet often people refuse to communicate with one another when problems arise.

Therefore, i think i must be more understanding and communicate more and not try to pretend that everything is ok.

Unknown

April 27, 2009

There are too many unknowns for me for this period. First, not sure if i will be able to get out of the Uni. Second, not sure what will be her reply for this sat. Third, not sure if i am able to get a job if i do get out of Uni. Fourth, not sure if my saving can last till i get a job cos it is in the critical level now which i think can last only till end May or mid June.

50% of my hope for the job will be on Alan’s side. If there is a vacancy on his side at end of month, then it will be the best. But i will still be looking for other options so as not to put all my eggs in one basket. In order to solve the 4th unknown, i decided to put my lens on offer once again. If there is a buyer at $1.3k, then i will just sell it off. If not then maybe it is not meant to be sold off.

Anyone who has lobang for jobs do let me know. Thanks

Free time

April 22, 2009

One more week to my last paper and one and a half to my FYP presentation. Seriously i think that is too much time for me to handle. Seems like there are still tons to be done and yet it may not be so. Took the QA exams for today and i am really surprised that the tutor from 2011 still remember up to now. Of course it will not be of something good. Just that i never attended his lectures once and it just so happened to be a very small class so he knew a new face when he saw me. On top of that, my drawing totally sucks so that made me leave an even deeper impression on him. Haha.

Had a conversation with Chin Ee and he told me what are the ways to woo a woman. Anyway our exams are the same and our seats are just front and back of one another so it is a good thing as i can always have a free ride to and fro school.

His methods are those crazy for ‘xiao mei mei’ types. It will not work for someone like her. I guess it is time for a heart to heart conversation over dinner next week. If not, i will never understand how she feels and she will never know mine too.

Uneasy Feelings

April 21, 2009

After my paper today, i have an uneasy feeling which i do not know why. I am very fearful that i may stay back for one more sem and i cannot imagine what will i do if that happen. Let’s hope that nothing is going under the table whereby some ‘higher’ ups are asking the uni to retain some of the students because of this recession. Do pray for me that hopefully i will really get out of the uni. Thanks.

Great is the Lord

April 20, 2009

Was looking at some of the pictures that my friend had posted and the words ‘Great is the Lord’ just came to my mind. Reminds me of this song written by Starfield.

Psalm 96:4
“For the LORD is great, and greatly to be praised:
He is to be feared above all gods.”

If all I’ve done
At last should come to nothing
And all I love, like sand be washed away

Still I will sing
Of Your unfailing glory
On bended knee
I’ll lift my voice and say

Great is the Lord
Great is Your name
Till my last breath
I will proclaim

Great is the Lord
Great is Your name
I give my life
To sing Your praise

If You should speak
Or should remain in silence
Should give me light, or lead me through the dark

Whatever the cost
Whatever joy or sorrow
I’ll worship still
Because of who You are

When death becomes
The end of all my labors
And Christ alone my rest and reward

May all I’ve done
Be one enduring echo
Resounding on to shout
Great is the Lord

On a seperate matter, heard from ‘her’ this morning that her pastor has gone home to the Lord. It was quite sudden as no one expected it. The second last paragraph of the song does speak out to me that as what Paul had said ‘To live is Christ, to die is gain’. What truly to be feared is to die without accepting Christ.

All my dear non-christian friends, i truly prayed for your salvations not for my sake but for yours and my Father. I really do thank God for Aldrich.

Thankful

April 19, 2009

It has been a few months since i lasted just on my savings. I am very thankful that i am able to survive until now without the need of asking my friends for loans. I wondered will i be able to get any if i really ask? Haha. Yes, this period i am totally dependent on my Lord. I am truly thankful for Him that He supplies enough for me to continue my support to those who are in CCC and still be able to go on a few dates.

At the start i do not  think it was possible in the first place for me to be able to still go on dates and considering the amount i have spent so far. All i can say is that i am grateful to Him. The pressure that i had at first, made me almost wanted to put dating on hold until i get a job. Because i chose to continue to commit to those who are doing missions. It was tough to choose one out of the two. But at the end, it was the Lord who enabled both of that to happen.

Yes, she is a person who is after His heart and it brings great encouragement to me. I do like her very much and no matter will we work out in the end, i am happy that God places such a wonderful person in my life. Up till now, i still never told her that i like her directly but maybe i will for the next time we meet.

Right now, i do leave my job hunting to Him and hopefully to start working by June or before my funds run out.

Unspoken

April 16, 2009

As we approached the block, there was this strange feeling. Wondering was it just me who felt that or was she expecting something from me too? Yet, i left it unspoken and went home. I have to admit now is not the best time to ask anything, knowing myself that i need all my mental strength to handle the exams.

During dinner, she gave me a choice of which would i prefer so that she could share hers with me. That really caught me by surprise, as i am not used to sharing with others if we are to order individually. Does that point to something or am i the one who is thinking too much?

Complicated.

Next time, i will try not to leave it unspoken again.

Birthday

April 15, 2009

Nice Cake

Had a tiring day for yesterday. Took my most feared paper in the morning. Afterwhich i need to cross my fingers and prayed that i will be able to pass as i am only about 70% confident of it. Oh well, mugged in the school library for the first time the whole afternoon before going down to collect the birthday cake in the evening. Have to say that i am impressed by such a nice cake and it tasted good too. Forgot to mention that i met Yew Seng in the morning before my paper and it was a nice chat over coffee but sad to know that his father had passed away.