Archive for May, 2009

There is a time for everything

May 29, 2009

This morning i went down over to her house to pass her the form. Actually there is an easier way of doing it which was that i emailed her my info and she will help me fill in. Not much stuffs to fill me also. Anyway i gave her the two options that were available and let her decide which one she wanted.

In the end, she chose the one which was for me to pass her the hardcopy. Anyway i could have asked her this morning when i passed her the form, in fact i was prepared to ask. But then i did not at the end of it though i did gave her the dvd.

All i heard was this voice telling me that the time is not ripe yet. Maybe it is me who need to learn something here. Do i need affirmation that much that without it i will not be able to continue? Why am i so afraid of losing her? Am i asking her now out of love or out of fear? So i guess the next time when i do really ask it will be 100% out of love, not a mixture of both love and fear. Father, do help me to understand what You mean by ‘There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.’

Another Parting

May 29, 2009

Yesterday i went down to Caroline’s wake with Shing Yian. She was not someone i knew personally but is a close friend of Steph. Kinda of amazing that i was able to go down. Normally thursday will be my RT day. It was just so that yesterday afternoon i had the feeling of cancelling it and changing it to another day. Maybe i was lazy to go for it. But it turned out to be good.

If not, i would not be able to go down, hear the message and have a talk with Charis. I believed God was trying to reassure me that He is with me during all these times. He feels the same pain and stress as i do. When i was weeping in my heart, He was doing the same for me.

He is able to take whatever frustrations i throw at Him. Just like what Caroline’s mum shared that during her last stage of cancer, she often got angry with her mum. It was because she was in so much pain and frustrations that she had to let them out in the form of anger. She knew deeply that no matter what she did, her mum will never forsake nor get angry with her because of all these but her close friends may.

I am glad that toward the end, God did comfort her and took away her pain from her illness. I believed during her last few days were peace and joy because of the reconciliation that God has brought to her family. Years of misunderstanding, walls that were erected and differences were brought to pass.

The 1 hour plus talk with Charis was helpful to me too. She reminded me that always start of with who God is and in this way i will never be mislead off the path. I know that my God is love, He will never stop calling for people to come to Him. As C.S Lewis had put it, ‘Hell only exists because people do not want to choose God’. This is true because in the absence of Goodness, what is there?

Little boy

May 27, 2009

I am still a little boy at heart. Wildful toward Him if i do not get what i want. I guess there is still alot of lessons for me to learn. To love is tough but not to love is even tougher. These days i have become very conscious about what i do especially in the areas that involved His works. I do want to draw a clear line of what is the reason for me to serve.

Do not let my serving be for others or myself. I do realise that when i agree to help out next week, the reason is because of her. But Father, change this heart and motive of mine. Let the reason of what i do is because of You. I cannot say that i have walked out of my past 100% but i am trying to take it one step at a step.

Do help me grow from a boy to a man, Lord. I think it’s time for me to read Job again. Having quite reach my limit now. I want to find comfort in Your words, Father. To comfort to know You are in control of all around me.

Hide me now
Under Your wings
Cover me
within Your mighty hand

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father You are king over the flood
I will be still and know You are God

Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know His power
In quietness and trust

Change of plan

May 24, 2009

It’s a sad thing that she could not make it next week. Feel a bit of disappointment cos i really am planning to ask. But i do understand her commitment. These past few days i have been uptight and it is really bad at the moment, esp with job interviews crashing in.

I guess that is me. Getting nervous and uptight when relationships are in involved. But God did pointed out something to me when i was on my way back just now. From what i asked her on friday and her reply, it will be more or less of a confirmation. So why am i still feeling so low in confidence? It reflected about the same way of God love to me. That He already died for me, so why do i still feel unsure at sometimes.

To touch on a bit on friday interview, i guess i did well enough to impress the interview to invite me back for the second round. Praise be to God for it is not my effort. He also guided me to the place cos it was hard to find but i still follow my logical thinking instead of His. Ended up in the wrong direction and have to walk back to the one He showed me. Haiz. My proud self almost took over which was like all the interviews in the past. But this time round i let Him guide me.

Father, do guide me for the one on tomorrow too. My human nature really do want that job badly. But i pray that Your will be done and not mine.

A big Thank You to my Father

May 21, 2009

Yeah, finally i can get myself out of NTU. Next will be my job hunt. Depending on You again. Haha.

This sem has been tough for me. There were times when i almost throw in the towel and said that’s it. I was under alot of pressure especially because of my family. Nevertheless, i and Him walked it out together. Without You, i do not know what will happen.

An ocean in the desert will i find. A beacon in the darkness will i see, A hope for my future will i have. That is because i have You in my life, my first Love.

I really cannot get to sleep until i give You all the glory that You and You alone deserved for what You had done.

Dear friends, let my life be a testimony to those who still have doubts. Once again, this song comes to my mind. No matter how much i sing it, it still touch my heart and yes my tears flow.

“Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me….
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now, I see.
T’was Grace that taught…
my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear…
the hour I first believed.

Through many dangers, toils and snares…
we have already come.
T’was Grace that brought us safe thus far…
and Grace will lead us home.

The Lord has promised good to me…
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be…
as long as life endures.

 

When we’ve been here ten thousand years…
bright shining as the sun.
We’ve no less days to sing God’s praise…
then when we’ve first begun.

“Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,    
That saved a wretch like me….
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now, I see.

 

Interviews

May 19, 2009

Finally the interviews are coming in. There are 3 but only one which i really really love to land it. First is a local company called Libra for Application Engineer, chances are i will do badly for the interview as i cannot find the email which i sent to them. Maybe just those click and apply type. The second one is for Senior Inspector for the Police Force. Haha. Sounds good but with my lousy degree, will i go far? hmm… The last one is the one which i wanted is at IBM as Process Engineer, i will do my best to score well on this. The good thing is that i will have a chance to practice my interview skills at Libra first.

At the end of the day, i can only try my best but leaving up to God to choose the best one for me. It’s all in Your Hands, Father.

By the way, Quan Gui’s sushi restaurant is opening at Illuma next week.,

3rd time in a month

May 18, 2009

Not doing anything much recently. Just slacking at home at the moment. If nothing happens, we will be watching ‘A Night at the Museum 2’ next week. That will be the 3rd in this month. It is good and bad in a way. Unless i find a job soon, i will not keep this up. Have to go back to meeting once a month. I think i should be asking her this time round. Provided i do not get cold feet at the last moment again.

Anyway Ric is coming back this wed so i should be going down to ECF this time round to catch up with him and the rest. If i am still jobless during early June, i will be going down to help her with the children camp.

Funny

May 16, 2009

Read a post by one of my long time never contact friend.

[It’s getting to me each time he asks me to pay him after dating. He said he’ll send me home: in a cab. He asks me for cab fare the next day — “hey u still owe me yesterday’s cab fare.”

I’m not paying in full, yes, but always at least 80% of my share. In front of his friends, he will act like he’s paying for me : only to ask me to pay him later in private. It’s getting to me. And I dun see what is wrong with my mentality. I understand his situation of having liabilities like rent to pay..so we hardly spend on anything. We hardly watch a movie. We hardly go out. But it’s not enough. Telling him how it gets me each time he asks for money..to him, that’s materialistic.]

Seriously i think that guy is …. I think both are not ready for an relationship yet. More for the guy in this case. Yet this can be the case of different expectations. If you ask for my views, i cannot see a happy ending to this. All the best to her in maintaining ….

Is it time?

May 14, 2009

After not seeing SY for a few weeks, i do noticed she got a bit slimmer after her holiday. lol. Looks like her diet and training are paying off. Just when i was thinking when the dvd will arrive, i saw it on my table the next morning. Maybe i did not noticed it after cell. Pray that her trip will be fruitful tomorrow. Still have lots of things for her to settle and she has high expectations which i think is good.

Should I?

May 11, 2009

Went down for the last day of the funeral this morning. Can see that Aldrich is still abit lost on what to do next. His ROM plan at the end of this year has gone haywired. Now he needs to replan again to see whether to wait for 3 years or within these few months. 

And they were asking about my progress with her, oh well it is still like this. Of course they are pushing me abit and Chin ee thinks that i may not truly like her. But if he knows how much i have to go through just to go on a date with her. I do not think he will doubt me on that.

One of her best friends told me something about her. Was abit surprised or was i not? Haha. But yet, my feelings are there for her and me to see. Maybe i will not wait till the end of the year but rather when the dvd has come. lol