Archive for July, 2009

求主开我眼睛 使我看見十架的异像

July 31, 2009

求主开我眼睛 使我看見十架的异像

用主耶稣的大爱 充满我心

用赞美膏我口 使我一生颂赞你

行主道使我生命全属你

I sang this song before in ECF. Not on my top playlist but God just put this song into my heart this morning. It just came so naturally and it is really hard typing out in chinese.

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Angry with …

July 31, 2009

Met her this evening and it is the 3rd time in a row for this week. Was angry with her because of … and she also knew that i was angry at her. I do realised that praying is very important at the moment when i am angry and it is also important to stay silent because all the harsh words might just come flying out. I really pray for the strength to carry on with this.

Father, let it be Your timing and not mine, i do not know how long can i take this anymore. My heart aches each time when i think about the relationship between me and her. But let Your will be done and not mine. If it is Your will for me to let her go, i pray that You will let me ask her earlier than later. If not, then let Your blessing be over this relationship so that it may blossom in Your love.

Learning

July 30, 2009

I told her by msn yesterday what i felt. Not much response from her cos it was online. Haha. She also did not said much today when i met her, we are still close with no different in behavior from her too. Have to find a chance and ask her how she feel about that. But i do enjoy the bible course, really learn alot from there.

Ok day

July 29, 2009

Today she was super moody. But by the time i met her, she was ok with it. Nothing much happened actually for today, i just accompanied her to TTSH for her medical appointment. I really wanted to tell her about the time limit thing yesterday night. Thank God that He held me back when i prayed about it. If not, i think i will get it from her also today. Haha. But that is only a if. Maybe i find a chance to talk to her about that. Will pray about this and see if tomorrow night when i meet her for dinner, will it be a good timing.

Dream came true

July 26, 2009

This deserves a post by itself. Heard from JY that the youth will have a service of their own. That is what i dreamt of when i was back in ECF, to start a youth service by itself with my cell. But it never happened back then. But praise God for now, cos my dream came true. Sometimes when God places a dream in us, do not be disappoint if we are not there to see it coming to pass. But trust in Him that He will continue the work.

Another week

July 26, 2009

Tons of things happened this week but do not feel like putting them down. My birthday is coming in another 2 more months and my only wish is for her to remember it and ask me out. Haha. I am not going to remind her or drop any hints. If she forgets about it, i will really just remains as friends and nothing more for the future. It will be kinda of my breaking point. It really shows how much i meant to her if she forgets about it.

Unclear

July 18, 2009

I asked her and her reply was ‘Do not know’. Looks like we still need to keep this in prayer and need more time. But i ask of You Father to reveal Your will to us when we are ready. In the meantime, i will draw a very thick, fat and clear line of being just good friends. Going to transform into robot mode for this. Haha.

At the same time, the position of being ‘My Other Half’ is still open to applicants.
Those who are interested, please send in your detailed resume stating expected household expenses, interests and reasons for leaving the previous one.
First interviewer will be yours truly and second one will be God.
Deadline till position is closed.

Do not understand

July 17, 2009

I told Aldrich about this issue as me and her remaining just as friends. He was abit shocked when i told him that we might be just that. I think most people will not be able to understand as both of us seems to be a good match. Even when our faith and love for God are the same but sometimes it may prove also to be the biggest obstacle.

Matthew 22:36-40 (King James Version)

 36Master, which is the great commandment in the law?

 37Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.

 38This is the first and great commandment.

 39And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.

 40On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.

 The first and great commandment requires our all, it asks for all that we are and we can ever give. In the past, i used to think that the end justify the means. But it is never true. One of my questions will be ‘If you are required to lie just to save an innocent person, will you do that?’ Considering God’s love for His people, it will never harm to tell a white lie to save a soul but now i think it is wrong. We shall not be doing anything that will profane His Name, even in that kind of situation when we are helpless and we do have a chance to save but we must not do that. Unless God really speak to us about this and grants us the permission. If not, all we can do is to pray and trust in His sovereignty.

Saw a status on Facebook on a friend whom i got to know a few years ago on a mission trip. There she was thinking of dying when the man she loves is going to propose to his girlfriend. I do not know how they got into that stage but the me now just do not get it. Maybe in the past, i may but not now. For a moment, i did lose respect for her. But i know that this is not His will for me. I pray that she will know the love that comes from You once again and taste it herself, for it is far sweeter that any love on this world.

Seek Him first

July 17, 2009

It has been tough this week as i want to be holy as He is holy, to walk in the path of righteousness and holiness. Without grace and mercy from Him, it is impossible to walk on this path as we will fail at one point or the another.

Finally tomorrow will be the day to solve things out with her. I am prepared to let go of her because i want to continue my growth there in that church. I hope she can understand it. Right now i also do not have extra funds to go out with her anymore.

Praise be to God at least i have some interviews next week. If there are, then there will be chances. It is the most in one week so far, one sales engineer, one OUB personal banker, one ICA senior officer and lastly will be teacher. Haha. Father, let me land on the job where You want me to be and i am still be able to serve You. You know what i asked You for and i will leave it into Your hands. Thank You, Abba Father.

Peaceful

July 13, 2009

I am feeling peaceful now with my decision on the relationship, after all the confusion and chaos that were running in my head. In all that matter, i found peace in Him and now i know that this is something that has to be resolved. In the long run, it will do us both good. I have smsed her twice to pray about our relationship and i think it does serve to tell her something. Now i need to pray for the words to tell her.

It has been a while since my third level of defence has been broken. Thank God that up till now i still do not have the need to activate my second last line, maybe for this sat. We shall see how it goes. Praying it will not turn out to be too bad.