Archive for August, 2009

Poor

August 31, 2009

Nothing much happened over the weekend. On sat, we just went to shop for a pair of couple rings and met up with my sec school friends for dinner. Sunday, i just met up with her for a couple of minutes before she left for her meeting while i went to do something else. Tomorrow i will be passing them the contract and there it goes, 2 years in China. I have started praying for God to open doors and go before me, till now i still do not know the plans He has for me there.

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Holding hands

August 27, 2009

We held hands for the first time this evening. It was not like those suddenly just grab her hand kind of situation. I asked her if i can hold her hands, then there it went. We got lost while holding hands and walking to FEBC. Haha. But it was a good improvement.

I asked her yesterday night that will she mind if i get her a ring for her to wear so that others will know that she is attached. She do not mind that at all. And she said that the ring to her will be very meaningful as it will symbolise our love despite of distance, always faithful and trusting each other. So we will be going down this sat to select one ring for her.

Actually on tuesday when i met her, i asked her to handle my account here while i am away for 2 years. This is how much i trust her, to some it will be very foolish. But i think a couple should have mutual trust on each other and this act of mine really touched her heart. On what account do i trust her this much, on the account of my God, because i know He is in control. Those who love Him deep from their heart will never do anything to break the fellowship that they have with Him. She is one of those. Sadly but true, there are many out there who do not love Him from deep within. I pray that God will turn all our hearts to Him and Him alone.

Hard to leave her behind

August 26, 2009

The more i think about it, the more i find it is hard to leave her behind. When the time comes and God calls us to put our most treasured in front of His altar. I must confessed that it is really tough to do that. There are fears in my heart and friend’s advices going both ways. Good and bad.

In the end, i must pray for peace in my heart for this. Must have faith in God that if this relationship is the one that He has planned for me. He will bless it and sustain it all the way. I believe the confirmation of this relationship is His way of telling me to go. It will be harder for me to go if the relationship is not confirmed at all. In that case, i will really reject the job offer even if it is going against His will. Though Sam does not view the same as me. Haha.

Father, i pray for peace in my heart to know that You will be here for Judy, my family, her family and my friends. I pray that You will sustain this relationship of ours and pray against any evil plots against us. Let me set my heart upon You once again.

I am going

August 25, 2009

Met up with her for dinner to discuss the issue of me going to China. I think God has comforted her heart in me going there. We talked about alot of issues and i will try my best to come back once in a few months to visit her rather than a long time back after a long time.

Dear friends, hope to meet up with you all before i leave on 1st Oct, then is if i do sign the contract on friday. Haha.

Father, What is Thy will

August 24, 2009

This week will be the most difficult week of my life. Because i need to make an important decision on friday as whether do i accept the job offer.

God has been hinting me for the past 1 month that the time has come for me to fulfil what i promised Him the last time when we went to taiwan, to spend 2 years in China and spread the gospel.

Worship songs in Chinese have been coming back to my mind, burden for the chinese people, requesting for a Chinese and English bible that is something i have not think of asking for the past 7 years and the starting date is on 1st Oct which is my birthday.

His voice was so clear to me asking me to go for the interview last friday when i really did not want to. Not to mention the passage for quiet time this morning Matt 19: 28-30. Plus i got a call from Mindef which informed me that i am only been considered for another position.

Who am i to reject Him. But i am really lacking the confidence and faith on this newly started out relationship. Father, i need You to sustain this relationship if it is Thy will for me to go china for 2 years. This is my one and only request for You.

4 questions

August 24, 2009

On sunday itself, i asked her these 4 questions before we can confirm we are in a relationship. These 4 questions must be answered in order and not to be skipped. I think it will be a good checklist for christian couples before committing to a relationship.

1. Do we love each other?

2. Are we able to commit to one another in term of time and effort?

3. Does being with each other draw us closer to God?

4. Lastly, is God or His blessings present during the time we are together?

Personally, i feel that if the answers from both of us to these 4 questions are positive, then it will be safe to say that we are in a God willing and healthy relationship. And question 3 must always be reviewed from time to time.

Of course there are some assumptions which i will be making here, one of the important one is that both parties are already in a close walk with God so that they are able to answer question 3 and 4 with confidence.

The reason for my case of waiting this long is our answer to question 4. Whether is it a God approved relationship. So from now, is where our journey really starts, a relationship which help us to be closer to God as well as each other.

In a …..

August 23, 2009

This will be a special post for my Father above. Because of Him, i am what i am of today. All the little things He has given me in my life and especially for the past eight months of tough times. After being single for 25 years of my life, i am in a relationship now with her. All the glory and credit be unto my Father. Amen.

At a lost

August 22, 2009

This was the first time that i had no dreams of what was going to happen when facing this kind of situation. I personally think it was the peace that God has given me when i tried my best to hand it over to Him. Yes, her reply was positive that she is willing to commit at least one day a week for us to spend quality time together. So are we in a relationship now? That is a question that both of us do not know. It seems like kinda of and kinda of not.

We went to bedok and changi airport terminal 3 this evening. Was quite fun exploring T3 and i told her ‘I love you’ with her in a sleepy face at her void deck. Acutally i could have done it at the airport but yes, i did that in an unromantic mood and place. Oh well, frankly speaking after this, i am more aware of how God speaks to me. On my way back home, my mind was on how to be closer to God instead of thinking of ways on how to improve this relationship.

After this, i really realise walking close with God is very important. I want to be like King David and Abraham, to be a person who is after God’s own heart and be someone whom God will share His plans with. That is what i want to be.

Longest 24 hours of my life

August 21, 2009

This must be the longest 24 hours of my life while waiting for tomorrow to come. On thurs before meeting her for dinner, my spirit was downcast which i did not understand why. Now i can only said maybe it was due to this question which i have posed to her. Having the same downcast spirit for today, my heart feels like crying out yet God is withholding my tears. I feel the pain in my heart if i lose her but there is no sadness for my tears.

On my way to meet her yesterday, i wondered is it me or did God shown me two wonderful pictures, in front of me was a rainbow in the sky and behind me was a ray of golden light out of the darkness in the sky. I do not know what it means but it has been a long time since i last saw a rainbow. I am not sure if i was the only one who saw it because no one on the street seems to realise it at all.

Yesterday i did also wanted to tell her ‘I love you’ face to face. Somehow, God withheld me saying it. Too many signs which made me prepared for the worst. The biggest one was the job interview that i went this afternoon, i sent the application in donkey years ago and they got back to me only now. It is a big company and for the first time of my life i went to UOB plaza one at 50th level for the interview. This job will require me to spend 2 years of training in China first before coming back to Singapore on a management level. As much as i was feeling down and wanted not to attend the interview, God gave me the strength to go for it and i was confident after the interview itself. I did not prepared anything before it and i made the best self intro. Haha.

Little and little, signs have been put together in my mind which drive me to the conclusion that i may get from her tomorrow. Maybe i think too much again but i wonder is it me or God is speaking to me in a supernatural way?

Father, i come before You once again, giving thanks to You for the peace You have put in my heart. Yes, my spirit is heavy but it is peaceful because of Your presence with me. There are things which You will have called me to place on the altar for You and here am i doing it. Placing onto Your altar my relationship with her and pray Thy will be done. In the midst of all these, my heart, soul and lips shall praise Your holy name and Your wonderous works in my life.

Turn of event

August 20, 2009

What a turn of event that after we came so close and now we may have to break up. It is certainly painful for me to say all those to her, but it is something to think about and the issue will be there.

Teaching is her passion and she wants to teach part time tutions on weekends, i mean on a serious basis not those home tutions. I told her that to me, in order for a relationship to grow, i need us to have some quality time together at least once a week. And the meeting on thursday will not be counted as one. Furthermore, i told her that if she is unable to commit at least to that, there is no point for us to continue this anymore. Because i need serious committment in a relationship not just meeting up when both of us are free. We must take efforts to make sure we are able to spend time with one another. Maybe this is the reason why God has been withholding answers on her side.

This time round, i am really prepared to let her go even though it will hurt me like never before.