Archive for October, 2009

In need of prayers

October 10, 2009

For this friday and sat it had been horrible for me. Too long a story for me to update now due to lack of time but i have kept it down in a written form. But i am thankful to God and her for hearing me out and encouraging me to go on.

Do continue to pray for me as i am here. For me to be humble, to keep close to God and be able to know Him more. It is really amazing now when i look at those characters in the bible of how they trusted God in their lives with every little thing. I must learn to do the same thing also, not only here but for the rest of my life.

Life is tough over here and NS is heavenly compared to here. But i know that this is a molding period for me for a greater thing to come in my life. Just as she had said yesterday when i complained to her over the phone, all things have a purpose in life and God will safeguard me. Yes, i will learn to give thanks for the good and bad things here.

Once again, i am thankful to God and also for her who God has put in my life to support me through this period of time. Just as i will love God for the rest of my life, i will love and cherish her too till i breathe my last with God as a witness to this promise of mine to her.

1st week in Medan

October 8, 2009

6th Oct 2009

Yesterday i cried 3 times whenever i talked to her on the phone. In my heart, i felt so sad when i thought of the times we spent together in Singapore. It is really hard for me to leave her behind. And now we have to be apart for 2 years and i hope that i will not miss any important moments in her life. But i really thank God for watching over this relationship because of all the things He did for us. Nothing much i can say but give thanks with all my heart.

Father, i know that i will have to learn to trust everything in You, to put down all my plannings and leave it solely into Thy hands. I see that this is the part that You want me to change and learn. Yes, i give thanks to You for this lesson, it maybe tough for these coming 2 years but i know Your grace is enough for me to go on and with her keeps encouraging me to go on too. Father, also help me to be able to fix into the culture here because i know i am weak when it comes to all these but You are strong. At times, i may feel lonely and offeneded but let Thy peace be in my heart. And keep me close to You.

Sorry Gemi for losing the shoes you bought for me as a birthday gift a few years ago. It sucks to lose them on the first day here.

 

7th Oct 2009

My friend told me that he received some comments from the rest people that i am not friendly enough. But i am trying my best here and it is just not me to be so fake and act friendly. I cannot be what i am not. Some of the fellow christian bros here have invited me to their morning bible study and prayer. I think it is a good thing to join them though i may not be able to understand what they are talking about. I pray for the spirit of wisdom to be in me. Let not language be a barrier to me, Father.

When i called her over the phone just now, i got the feeling of giving her my blog address. But at the same time, i was worrying what she will think of me if she read what i have written over the past 4 years. But i decided to give it to her anyway because just as she said, there should be mutual trust and confidence in each other. So i will not be changing any contents of my blog even though i can have access to it now. It serves as an avenue for me to see how i was in the past and how God has molded me over the years. Though Richard and Gemi did gave me some advices and not to say anything more than what she asks.

But yes, i think it is important to let her know how i was in the past. If she cannot accepts it and wants to break up with me, that i will try to accept it. At the end of the day, it is God who makes things work out, not me or her. We are just trying to do what we can and leave the rest to Him. More than anything else, i pray Father for the faith that pleases You. I want to have that kind of faith that Abraham, Moses, David, Joshua and many more people in the bible have. The faith to obey and trust in You when i do not know what is next, but just following You with all i have and all i am.

8th Oct 2009

There is nothing much for today just that i overslept for the bible study and i am glad that they knocked on my door and woke me up to join them. Father, i really pray for Thy wisdom to let me be able to understand. God did showed me a negative side of me today which i need to change a long time ago. Sometimes i think i hold onto her too tightly, maybe it is because she is my first girlfriend and i really love her more than myself. I need to learn how to let go and let God take control in this relationship. I need to learn how to be together in spirit when we are apart physically. So i decided not to call her so often and this coming 2 months will be a good break and time to learn this lesson. I am really glad that she is so thoughtful for the past few days of my nonsense when i tried to call her when i have the chance. Thank you, Dear.

Today i also made prank calls for the first time in my life. Actually i did not want to make those calls because His words came to my mind in the morning. But i am sorry Father for going ahead and made those calls. Please forgive me for this. I really cannot take it when this stupid guy keeps making prank calls to her. I do not see the reason behind it and he is married somemore, please grow up man. But now i think prayer the most powerful weapon of all. So i will just pray for his salvation from now onwards.

This morning during my quiet time with God, i cried for Singapore when i was praying because these few days in Medan made me realised that Singapore is so blessed yet the people over there are living in spiritual proverty. I really feel for them when they reject the gospel of peace.

Father, i pray that Your holy spirit will come upon the people in Singapore, let their eyes be opened. Let it not be like in Isaiah’s time when eyes they have but cannot see, ears they have but cannot hear and minds they have but cannot understand. Let me be a vessel for Your saving grace to the people You have called me to.

Leaving

October 4, 2009

This is my last post for the next one month or more. I must thank God that right now the feeling of leaving her behind is not that hard. The peace of God is in me right now and i give thank for this peace, knowing that He will be with me and also be here for her. I wonder how she is feeling now. But during these few weeks, both of us have come to accept it that this is His will and nothing we can do about it but to obey. It is kinda of hard for me to not contact her for one or two months but i will use this time wisely to know God more.

I am glad that i spent my last day here with her, singing all the duets in the ktv. Was really nice and we enjoyed ourselves. I told my parents about her and she told her mum about me. Leaving the rest up to my Father in heaven.

A big thanks once again to all my friends who helped me in my life. I will always remember you all. Miss you ppz.

1 more day

October 3, 2009

Had a great time together with my JC friends. Planned to play mj but i ended up watching tv with her for the whole afternoon. It should have ended off better but because of something i kept on saying, she got mad at me. So i declined the ride back home by Aldrich and suggested sending her back by bus and also tried to find out the reason why. It was good that we talked it out during the bus ride and things are back to normal.

Communication is really important in a relationship because if one stops it, there is no way to continue it. Will learn to change my bad habits from now on.