Archive for April, 2010

All my fault now

April 29, 2010

I was not the one who wants things to be this way. Now all the MY friends are shooting me. Sounds like i am in the wrong. The problem is she chooses to do so. Breaking down communication because it is not her. I am not like seeing her week in week out or once in a forenight. If she does not share with me but always tell me nothing is going on in her life now. What can i do? I can share with her my life but i will not be able to know hers.

If communication comes to a point whereby i ask her 1 question then she gives me 1 or 2 sentences answer. Then there is no point at all. Relationship is a coming together of 2 different lives because they choose to do so. A sharing of lives and union to one. She closed her side.

I asked her if she will call me on her own if i never call her for 3 weeks to 1 month. Her only reply was only if she has something to share. When i pushed on to ask if like the previous 3 weeks, she got nothing to say, means she would not call. She said yes. So her heart is not with me anymore. Her love is gone. She is only staying on for some reasons which i do not know. Maybe our common friends or what. But i was torn apart by her answer.

Thank God that these few days there are still Chin Ee and Zhiyu by my side. If not i will collapse long ago.


Taking a long break

April 28, 2010

After the talk today, i do not really care this time for sure. Will be taking a long break from this relationship. If she still cares, then i hope she will at least give me a call. If not, i will just wait for my heart to turn away from her.

Broken Promises

April 26, 2010

Truly i was in blissed for a while after i got into a relationship with her. But happiness does not last long after all. After which most of the times what i got was broken promises from her.

I have waited and waited to see if she will remember what she promise to do but it was always reason after reason that she will give of why it is not done. I really wondered am i the only one who is putting all my heart into this relationship?

I cannot take this anymore.


April 25, 2010

Will be staying silent for a while, i am tired now of trying to getting her to share her life. Maybe it is nothing at all or maybe she is not interested in sharing those little details. I do not know and i am tired of guessing and asking her.

Will just stay silent and do my own stuffs now.

April 24, 2010




April 19, 2010

To be honest i got a shock when Zhiyu told me last week that she and ah hao had broken up. What really got me was that he was the one who initiated that and it was after she was back in Singapore after spending 18 months in London.

I always thought they will go all the way since he was really into her and have been together for 4 years plus. The last thing that will come to my mind is this piece of news that he has no more feelings and passions for her after being seperated for 18 months while she did not make much effort to stay connected.

It strikes fear into my heart that maybe we will end up the same that we will no longer feel anything for one another. I really need to trust God on this as He holds the future and not me, i can only do my part according to His will.

Been trying to lead a decent life here by eating a bit better and more tibits. Haha. Hopefully i will not get too fat again.

I decided to cancel my Jakarta trip as well since there is something bothering me about this trip. China please come soon.


April 16, 2010

These few days i wondered if we will have a future together? Am i the one who is putting so much efforts into this as compared? Sometimes i am tired and frustrated, it caused doubts to be on my mind.

So much so that i want to break free and maybe look for someone else who will appreciate my efforts and me. Not someone who will ignore my feelings.

How is love like? Should it be based on certain conditions or just freely? Will it bring about suffering?


April 12, 2010

It is starting to get lonely here in Medan. Not sure whether does the quitting of my friend has affected me in anyway. But i am not sure of some of the things now. Now i will be the only guy from Singapore over in China. Should i count it a joy? Father, i pray that You will show me the way.


April 8, 2010

I am feeling really down and depressed today, even this very moment as i am typing this. I really need someone to be here for me and when i called her up. All i got was wait and later, as she was busy with meeting her friends.

Can’t she spent sometime in hearing me out even i have smsed her that i am feeling down today. I will not have called her if i do not need someone to listen to me.

I really really need someone to hear me out but the one i love has put me aside. I have enough of waiting and being on the 3rd, 4th or 5th on her list. This just add to my depression which i am having.

5 stages in Relationship

April 8, 2010

Stage 1 – The Romance Stage This is also known as the Courtship Phase or the Fantasy Stage, and can last anywhere from 2 months to 2 years. This is when you and your partner have just met, and everything is absolutely amazing. You can’t get enough of each other. Neither of you can do any wrong in the eyes of the other… mainly because you’re both still on your best behavior. The focus in this stage is on commonalities – you have so many common interests, you could practically be the same person! You show your partner your absolute best self, and you try to please each other as much as possible. Conflict is seen as “bad” in this stage, and is avoided at all costs. You can’t imagine living without this person, so you begin spending as much time together as possible. This is the stage when our defenses are down the most, which allows you to be open to and fall in love. You and your partner are building an important foundation in this stage, so your relationship can grow. There are biological effects as well. When you’re in this stage, your body is producing enormous amounts of endorphins, which makes you feel unusually happy, positive and excited about everything in your life (this is that “head over heels in love” feeling!). This is the stage most often portrayed in movies and romantic novels, for obvious reasons. Bottom line – you are happier than you’ve ever been, and can’t imagine ever feeling any differently.

Stage 2 – The Disillusionment Stage This stage is also known as the Familiarization Stage, or the Adjusting to Reality Phase. This is where you begin to realize that your partner is actually a human being (horror of horrors!). You get to know each other more and more, and as a result you start recognizing their various flaws and shortcomings. You see your partner in relaxed situations, and you become more relaxed as well. Since your body cannot possibly continue to produce the same levels of endorphins that it was in the beginning, those feelings of being on top of the world start to decline. Your partner’s little habits aren’t quite as cute as they used to be, but there is still enough goodwill from the Romance Stage that you’re willing to overlook them. This stage can start to trickle into your relationship slowly, as you begin to see your partner for who s/he really is. Or sometimes it happens all of a sudden, when there has been some sort of dishonesty or deceit. This phase can be confusing and discouraging, since you’ve just experienced so much openness and connection in the Romance Stage. However, at this stage, your main job is to learn how to communicate and resolve conflict with this person effectively, which is an important skill if you want your relationship to continue.

Stage 3 – The Power Struggle Stage This stage is also known as the Disappointment Phase or Distress Stage. As the characteristics from the Disillusionment Phase intensify, they become harder and harder to deal with. You will most likely begin to pull away from each other in this stage. At this point, you both still believe that conflict is a “bad” thing, but you are increasingly aware of your many differences. You fight to draw boundaries in the relationship, and as a result even small annoyances become big issues. This is the stage where you define unacceptable behavior, and most couples have occasional or frequent thoughts of leaving the relationship. More and more often, you start to feel like your partner is self-centered or un-caring, or even worse, that they simply can’t be trusted. Deep resentments begin to build if you’re unable to resolve your issues in a respectful and mutually agreeable way. Many couples get stuck in this stage, because this way of interacting becomes normal in their relationship. This is when it is absolutely necessary to learn to manage your differences effectively – to communicate and work together as a team, even though it’s tempting to believe that your partner’s sole purpose on Earth is to make your life difficult. Not surprisingly, this is the stage most couples are in when they decide to break up or file for divorce. However, if they are able to negotiate all of the landmines during this phase, they’ll move on to….

Stage 4 – The Stability Stage This is a restful and peaceful time, compared to the last stage. This stage is also known as the Friendship Phase or Reconciliation Stage. Some couples never make it to this stage, but the ones who do find that they have deeper feelings of love, connection and trust with their partner. You now have history together, and most people begin to rely on the predictability of the relationship. As you enter this stage, you begin to realize that your partner isn’t perfect, but your personal differences aren’t quite as threatening as they used to be. You’re able to resolve most of your differences, at least to some extent, and you become more confident in the relationship. Some people feel a sense of loss in this stage as they learn to accept their partner for who they truly are, since this means they have to let go of the fantasy that was established early on in the relationship. But for the most part, the deepening sense of friendship and commitment is a good trade-off for those early feelings of butterflies and excitement. This is also when you begin to re-establish your own outside interests and friendships, which were given up in the Romance Phase. There is some danger that you may begin to drift apart from or become bored with your partner in this phase, so you should try to maintain the connection that was created in the Romance Phase. Overall, this is the stage when you finally begin to feel comfortable and happy with your deepening relationship.

Stage 5 – The Commitment Stage This stage is also known as the Acceptance Phase, the Transformation Stage, or the Real Love Phase. It is estimated that fewer than 5% of couples actually make it to this stage, according to The Relationship Institute. This is the stage when both couples have a clear notion of who their partner is, faults, foibles and weaknesses galore… yet they make a conscious choice to be with this person in spite of all of those things (and in some cases, because of those things). You are no longer with your partner because you need them, but because you’ve chosen them, which means the level of resentment you felt in the Power Struggle Phase has decreased, if not disappeared. If you’ve made it to this stage, you and your partner are a team. You genuinely love your partner, and you look out for their best interests just as much as you look out for your own. Your partner is your best friend. There are few surprises about your partner’s habits or character in this phase. You’ve collaborated to overcome many challenges together, and have grown to accept and support each other without restriction. Your vision for your relationship is in congruence with who you are and what you both truly want. You have discussed your future together – you have similar life goals, and you feel encouraged to define your relationship further. Many couples decide to make a formal or public commitment to each other in this stage (such as marriage) to demonstrate their intention to continue their relationship. This is the stage in which your relationship becomes a true partnership. About the author: Sarah M. Schultz, MA, CPC is a certified Personal Development Coach in Park City, UT. Article source:…s&id=528343