Archive for March, 2011

Been a year or so

March 24, 2011

It has been a year or so since i last came to my blog and write something on it. Nothing much since i broke up with her. Since my heart no longer desires God. It went into despair and sadness, just throwing everything away. I once thought to be use for Him here instead i left everything i believe behind. Prayers before meals are more like a routine instead of thanksgiving. I kept wondering where did my old self go to? Was i not myself in all these years that i believed in Him? What was my aim here in China? I did not know anymore, i kept trying to fight for my own glory here, corrupted by all my desires of having power and money. Nothing i did here was in line with what i wanted to come here for.

I really miss Him deep down. What should i choose for? I long for fellowship and worship. The time has come for me to choose once again. I know i can just speak to my COO if i want to continue staying in China for more money. But is that all i want? I am really lost…