Archive for October, 2011

Struck

October 16, 2011

It has been almost 4 months since i am back in Singapore. I have to fully admit that i have turned away from God. Too ashamed to face Him again in the lifestyle that i am leading. Guess i still have the self righteous mindset in me. So many of my friends have stopped blogging or maybe they have changed to a new one without letting anyone know. I am still struck with this old blog of mine.

I have set such a high expectation for myself that i am fearful of it. At times, i paused for a moment in my life and think whether is it all worth it? Am i chasing something that is worthless in life? All my thinking now are so different from when i was in church eons again, have i lost myself in the process?

What is preventing me from seeking His presence again? Myself? Pride? Sins? Fear? Bitterness? I am sure bitterness is one of them, the failure in my last relationship. So much to the extent, that i void myself of all emotions to nothingness. I am just a shadow in the night, no expression, no feeling.

Can i learn to love again? If yes, please let me know YOU back first.

Lastly, i wonder who will read this post of mine…

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